An Open Letter to All Exes...

As I am an ex-wife TWICE over and my fiance has an ex-wife, I have had to learn some "life lessons" surrounding these creatures and the poor children that are caught in-between their parents.

"An Open Letter to All Exes..." is my ventilation system, as well as my way of helping (or at least mildly entertaining) anyone who has an ex, is an ex, is about to be an ex, has to deal with someone else's ex or anyone who has ever watched Divorce Court. :)

Dear Ex-Wife/Husband,

This letter is to remind you that we are no longer married, as evidenced by the 40 or so page divorce decree/custody agreement of which I am certain you received a copy.

As we are no longer married, I also see it fit to remind you that (a) I don't care what you think, (b) I am not required to care what you think and (c) I don't like you all that much. Therefore, our relationship thus forward will be comprised of (1) financial transaction, (2) calendar coordination via email or text and (3) child exchange. The jist of it is this:

Ex-Wife to Ex-Husband - "Give me my child(ren), give me my money, leave me alone."
Ex-Husband to Ex-Wife - "Give me my child(ren), here is your money, leave me alone."

Please refrain from sending me countless emails under the guise of "the good of our child(ren)" - it is transparent and immature. Please see paragraph #1: The divorce decree/custody agreement has already been inked - there is nothing else to talk about. Also, please see paragraph #2: (a) I don't care what you think, (b) I am not required to care what you think and (c) I don't like you all that much.

I am not interested in your opinions, just as I am not interested in you, your thoughts, your budget, your struggles or your assertions that you are a better Christian, lover, poker player, parent, welder, etc. so on and so forth.

Essentially, please live your own life and leave me and my kids out of it.

Have a splendid day,

Your Ex-Husband/Wife